“Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair so that I might climb your sable stair.” I know, your mom read it “golden stair.” Take a second right now, go to the top of the page and click on the ‘ABOUT’ tab. I’ll just sit here, hold my breath and twiddle my thumbs ‘til you get back.
Go on; I’ll wait…
Rapunzel is one of my favorite fairy tales. The prince found a quality in Rapunzel — her beautiful voice — that made him want to get to know her better. So he made the effort. He found a way to get to her and they fell in love. Even after the witch who held Rapunzel captive banished her to the desert and blinded the prince, he searched in his darkness until he found her again. And they lived happily ever after.
Note: he pursued her! Rapunzel didn’t tear off to the nearest Rent-a-Camel, charge across the desert, swim the Mediterranean and traipse across Europe chasing the blinded prince through the forest in her Victoria’s Secret push up bra and her hoochie-momma skirt (over her edible chocolate and red licorice thong) until finally she caught him, tackled him to the ground and breathlessly bellowed “I do!”
Much of the information I’ve read on dating in the 21st century says it’s perfectly fine to pursue a man you’ve decided you want (I read an ad this morning that advised “say these words to make him fall instantly in love with you”). Please. Seriously? Is that really what you want? Assuming marriage is your goal, do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life with a man who hasn’t enough interest in you to even try and win your heart? Of course you don’t!
I’ve heard all the excuses you’ve made for him: “he’s intimidated by me;” “he’s too busy at work;” and the classic “he was hurt before and he’s afraid he’ll get hurt again.” And I have only one word for you – bullshit! If he doesn’t take the lead, call you and arrange to spend time with you, he’s not interested. If his life is so busy he can’t — or won’t — make you a priority in it, he’s not interested. If he’s feeling so damaged that he can’t suck it up, get over it and trust you, he’s not interested. And that’s all there is to it.
Men hunt. Men pursue. Men go after what they want — without excuses.
If a man wants a promotion, he works for it, buries his nose between the appropriate cheeks and gets the job. He does not sit back and wait for his boss to chase him down at the water cooler and beg him to take more pay and a bigger office.
If a man wants a new car, he shops and test drives. He doesn’t wait for the dealer to run him off the road, drag him out of the burning wreck he was driving and shove the new car keys in his hand.
If a man wants you, he will come to you. He will call you. He will ask you out. He’ll express his interest in you. He will discover your likes, wants and goals; he’ll do whatever he can to help you achieve them. Above all, he will make sure you know how much he loves and respects you and he’ll turn himself inside out to entice you to want him too.
And if he doesn’t make that effort, honey, I’m sorry — he doesn’t want you.
He’s not interested.
Let him go and move on.
Your priorities here are four-fold. Above all, love and respect yourself. Second, do the things that make you happy – yes, even without a man. Third, be sure that you actually want a man in your life and that you’re ready to make room for him. Finally, hone your skill at separating the wheat from the chaff; having no man in your life at all is far superior to settling for one who doesn’t deserve you.
So take a step back and breathe. Enjoy yourself and your life. If you are currently in hot pursuit of disinterested prey, brake immediately! Stick out your left hand — no, put down the cell phone; you’re not going to call or text him — then slap it with your right hand. Go cold turkey, cut him out of your life and free up that space for someone better.
Someone who loves and respects you — and who makes certain you’re very much aware that you’re special to him.
Someone who appreciates you — and who lets you know often how wonderful he thinks you are.
Someone who wants you in his life — and who goes the extra mile to convince you to be a part of it.
Don’t worry about the time you spend waiting. In the meantime, you have you. But know that your prince is out there and he’s already forging his way through his darkness and across your desert to you.
Be positive. Be patient. And be loved.