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All Sizzle; No Steak

Almost as much as I love vacations, I hate jet lag. It’s approaching lunch time in Paris, but it’s 3:00 AM in my bedroom, I’m wide awake and my satellite dish is failing me miserably.

Flawless Face … Awesome Abs … Brazilian Butt …

As a business owner, I understand the importance of marketing – of selling the sizzle, so to speak. But does it really matter how enticing the wrapper if there’s no product within? When you leave the Louis Vuitton store on the Champs Elysees with your shopping bag in tow, you know that its contents will serve you – and turn your friends a bright pickle green – for years to come. Imagine your disappointment should you get home and discover you have nothing but tissue paper. Wait, I’ll make it even easier (so you men can understand). When you hand the dealer a check and take the keys to that new BMW, you expect there to be the ultimate driving machine within that beautiful body, do you not?

Why then do we so lower our standards when it comes to choosing a life partner?

Across the crowded dance floor, your eyes meet. Her Hairlights glisten in the reflection of the stars in your eyes and her Miracle Mineral Skin creates a stirring in your– uh, heart. As you scan her body, your fingers tingle in anticipation of what lies beneath her Best Bra Ever. So you buy her a drink and she takes you home. That the foundation of your relationship has less strength than half-beaten meringue is irrelevant.  That your conversation outside the bedroom consists of little more than breathless nothings has no importance. That she has the character of the snake with the apple is invisible to you. When she wraps her Gorgeous Sexy Legs around your Bowflex Body, you are in heaven. That’s all that matters. And you know it will always (or at least for Pfizer’s forseeable future) be that way.

So, the two of you jump the broom. Or tie the knot. Or whatever it is you do.

A couple of years – perhaps merely months – pass and life drizzles on your sparklers. You have little in common, conversation is practically nonexistent and the thrill is long gone. All that’s left is that foundation of friendship you laid before you laid her. What? You didn’t? Oh. Now the two of you are rapidly and very unhappily crawling down the road to the Dr Phil Show. And one  — or both — of you pulls out the matches and ignites new fireworks with someone other than that old ball and chain.

And you become contributors to marriage’s 50% failure rate.

Perhaps a better plan is to develop the product first so there’s actually a lily to gild? Hmmm…what a novel concept!  I‘d actually like to see the following as late night infomercials:

24K Character … Fabulous Friendship … Incredible Intellect …

I know; you’re right.  Ain’t gonna happen.

Oh well, back to my boob tube:

Best Vacuum Ever! … Bake, Broil, BBQ … Best Dog Training Secrets …

Good Lord! Anybody got an Ambien?


About PD Williams

Writer - primarily humorous women's fiction. My secret agenda is to help men become in actuality the visions they think they already are. I point out their many flaws in the kindest, gentlest, most supportive way I know -- gotta protect those fragile male egos -- so we can stop wasting our energy trying to change them. After all, as women, we have more important things to do.

6 responses »

  1. Maybe now, you can smile and say “lesson learned and move on to bigger fish.

  2. Why does it bother me?

    This is so true.
    Personality counts for so much, I wont lie, you have to find that ‘special other’ attractive, but if they are only attractive what is there to do after the initial ‘va va voom’ has run out?

    I was watching a show the other day that said the best way to learn if a person is right for you, is to live with them. This seems like an extreme venture in my mind, but I have to say, that a two week holiday somewhere remote where you have to do the cleaning / cooking yourselves would definitely test that theory!

    • Unfortunately, that’s usually how it works. We find them attractive THEN we get to know them. I like the idea of doing it the other way around — getting to know them as people first. It’s funny how the looks of a physically unattractive person improve as you get to know how wonderful they are inside. I’ve been reading a book — The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman — that discusses your excellent point — (eventually, I’ll probably review it on my Reading page). We tend to marry while we’re in the ‘va-va-voom’ instead of building something on which to base a marriage. However, living with them first would likely only work for me personally if I could successfully dispose of the body 😉

      • Why does it bother me?

        Mwhahaha. Disposing of the body indeed!
        The relationship I am in now, was in a way a version of this experiment. We have been friends since school, but lost touch for many years, but when we got together, he got offered a job in Malta, before we had even kissed (ah how romantic) he asked me to go with him. Three months after he moved (I had a few loose ends to tie up) I followed him. It was quite tough. I had lived alone, and he likes sports and is a boy. But I know that besides his handsome face we have fun, like similar (obviously not sports) things and get along, and will continue to do so. (Fingers crossed!) In my only other serious relationship. I signed a year long lease with a human dog poop, because I couldn’t get past how rugged and bad boy he was. It is true you know, looks don’t count for much except first impressions…

      • Very happy the “experiment” is working for you! My very best wishes to you!! 🙂

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