“Oh … those are beautiful. ”
I licked my lips so as to not drool into my cleavage as I lusted after the black lizard-trimmed patent pumps I’d just pulled from the shelf. I deftly slipped my feet — both of them delighted at their prospective adornment — into these shoes I so loved. At least I loved them while they were on the shelf. As I stood with the intention of gliding gracefully across the carpeted floor, my toes screamed in pain as they slid to the front of their captors and the leather girdles reduced them to half their normal width. My knees buckled after only the second step. Back onto the shelf they went as I chose a few pairs less glamorous, but far more comfortable.
Before long I was surrounded by shoes — half a dozen styles and half a dozen colors within each style. You know how it goes, don’t you? Once my eyes were happy with a shoe, I had to make sure my toes were happy as well. Then I had to see which color — or colors — made me smile. Yes, they looked phenomenal on me in black, but that didn’t mean the red ones wouldn’t look even better. So, of course, I had to try them all.
Finally, I found the pair that were absolutely perfect for me. The scrunched brown crocodile ballet slippers were barely attractive enough to merit a second look while they sat on the shelf. But on my feet, they were incredible. Yes, the salesman had several dozen rejects to return to stock — and a few more gray hairs to comb over his bald spot — but he also earned a very fat commission by making sure I explored all my options and found a pair I loved.
As it is with shoes, so it is with clothing, cars, houses and most everything else we buy. We look at many different offerings — comparing plusses and minuses — until we find what we want. Virtually never do we settle for the first thing we see.
So please tell me why we do that with men? How many times do we meet one and begin trying his name on even before the evening is over? How many times do we cease our involvement in our favorite activities, drop our girlfriends and change our lives to invest all our efforts in a maybe-maybe-not future with Mr Right Now who often fails to meet even our minimum requirements?
While we know it’s my mission to help men improve themselves so we don’t have to change them, I actually have to give them credit here. In this regard, they have it right. Much to our chagrin, they continue to date many other women until they decide with which one they want to settle down.
But what do we do? As soon as a man expresses interest — even when he is clearly not what we want — we stop shopping. We change ourselves so that we can be, not what we are, but what we think he wants us to be. We put all our eggs in his basket. Then we’re depressed and we wonder what we did wrong when he fails to meet our expectations. News flash, honey — he never did!
Approach dating exactly the same way you approach shoe shopping. Explore many, many different options. Find a good fit — one you adore. Make sure you’re comfortable — and happy — with your choice. Don’t leave the market prematurely. If one mall doesn’t have what you’re looking for, shop another.
Don’t settle for less than you want for fear it’s all you’ll get.
And keep shopping until you find the one who fits you perfectly.