It was three o’clock in the morning. While the rest of the world slept, my eyes simply refused to drink the Kool-Aid. What to do? Get your mind out of the gutter! Besides, I’d already considered that, but I had neither live batteries nor a conscious plaything handy at that moment.
So I tuned in to an episode of one of my favorite sitcoms – Girlfriends. During a dry spell (hmm … that sounded familiar), the women hosted a “Bring Your Own Ex” party with the expectation of stirring up a little activity. After all, one woman’s trash is another’s treasure, right?
It works marvelously for things like clothes. We’ve all gone to exchanges where we’ve traded things that looked fabulous in the store, but which totally missed once we got them home. And after we’ve read a book, how likely is it that we’ll ever crack it open again? Surely one of our friends will share the enjoyment we experienced within its pages.
But dumped-man dumpster diving? Oh, I think not. My girlfriends and I tend to look for the same things in our men. And if one of those women kicked an ass to the curb, it deserved that boot. While the current pickings are slim, the likelihood that I’ll now want that ass parked on my sofa is infinitesimally small.
Whatever happened to men? No, I don’t mean the slacking, self-centered metro sexual mommas’ boys who dream of benefactors to pay for their manicures and 36DDD contortionist Barbies with which to play. I mean real men.
Whatever happened to men who not only know the meaning of the word ‘job’ – they actually (yikes!) have them? Jobs in which ‘would you like fries with that’ is not a part of their normal workday vocabulary? Jobs that cover things like, say, the mortgage?
Whatever happened to men who know that sex is a factor, but that it’s not the entire equation? Whose hat brain has not abdicated all decision-making to the zipper brain? And whose little friend – if it’s not in his hands or busy making us happy– is in his pants?
Whatever happened to men who value and respect women? Men who treasure us and take delight in showing us how much? Men who – among other things – open doors and pay for dinner?
Whatever happened to men with un-waxed chests?
I doubt I’ll find one at a party that requires he be a friend’s ‘ex.’