“Oh! You’re hot!” Hmmm … for some reason I was thinking “excuse me” is the proper response when one, while rounding a corner, accidentally collides with another — particularly with a married other. But what do I know? I’m just an old dinosaur; and with that big stick firmly lodged up my butt, it’s already a little crowded — no room for a married winkie in the other compartment. Silly me. It seems that among quite a few of us, however, there’s nothing wrong with spreading our legs for a man married to someone other than ourselves (for at least one of us, a man whose wife lay at home dying of cancer). And there’s nothing wrong, for that same one of us, with becoming his baby mama and publishing a book chronicling the whole smutty story for those of us who care to share. A book which, by the way, details their trysts for his older children, she says, “so they can know the truth” about their dead mother, her marriage to their father and why she (the author) stepped in to rescue him from her. Oh, and so that she can finally achieve the celebrity status that has eluded her until now. I think I’ll be giving her book a big miss.
Yes, we all know who I’m talking about, but I will certainly not mention her name here. I don’t want readers so badly that I’ll have my blog come up when her name or his are googled.
Female persons (sorry, those of you to whom I’m referring I won’t call sisters — because you’re not. And, certainly, I won’t abuse the word ladies either), today I’m screaming at you; sometimes we need to remedy or remove an ‘attractive nuisance’ so men have no choice but to fix themselves. I’ll go back to yelling at them another day.
But back to you, girls — exactly what are you thinking when you pursue a relationship with a married man? Are you thinking at all? Men have a quasi-excuse — God split their intellectual capacity between two brains. Sometimes, especially when they’re already starting out with peanut hulls, they lack the capacity to think clearly. But what’s your excuse?
What’s that he said? His wife doesn’t understand him? They’ve fallen out of love? That sounds like an issue the two of them should be discussing with their therapist. What does that have to do with you? The man is married!
Oh, his marriage is dead? But he can’t afford a divorce? Or he wants a divorce, but he’s waiting for the right time? Or he’s not getting a divorce after all; but he’s only staying for the children? What does any of that have to do with you? The man is married!
Oh, poor thing — his wife cut him off? Or he’s tired of cake every night and he wants to switch it up and try pie? Or his is an open marriage (hmmm … wonder if his wife’s marriage is open, too)? Honey, what does any of that have to do with you? The man is still married!
That man’s dipstick has an engine it belongs in — and it ain’t yours!
But I have another, deeper question for you. Assuming you’re looking for more than a romp in the hay and that — for whatever masochistic reason — you want a future with this jackass, what thought have you given to his character? At the very least, we know he’s a liar (unless, of course, your affair exists in some alternate universe in which he goes home to his wife and tells her about his adventures in your velvet cosmos). We certainly know he’s a cheating sonofabitch. Surely you’re not fooling yourself that yours is the magical snatch that’s going to resurrect his faithfulness? Should you be so unlucky as to marry him — by the way, odds are against that happening — guess who he cheats on next? Yes, sunshine! Seems you’re brighter than I thought you were.
What’s that you say? Please tell me you didn’t go there. He’s the one who’s married — why am I blaming you? Well, it’s very simple. Your twat is not Ali Baba’s thieves’ cave. Just because the scumbag whispers “open sesame” in your ear, doesn’t mean your legs have to part and let him in. Show him that you are better than the company you keep — and that while he might be lacking character, that flaw is not contagious.
Respect yourself — and the sister who was so unfortunate as to fall in love and marry him.
Oh — and the movie about you-know-who (yes, we all know it’s coming)? I’ll be giving that one a big miss, too.