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Ja, Man! – Day 1 (or is it Day 2?)

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Faux first class flight … screaming critter on board behind me (someone, please shove a tit in its mouth) … five hours of intertwined tongues in the seats in front of me (selfish bitch didn’t even offer to share him). My morning is redeemed by an incredible breakfast Bloody Mary.

“All inclusive” excludes room service … my mom’s luggage went where? … yes, guest services, a plumber would be delightful; we do prefer to flush, thank you. Watching the sapphire Caribbean as her waves caress the silvery sands at my doorstep is even more intoxicating than the banana daiquiris.

Jacob, I feel your extinguished anticipation as you lifted that veil and found Leah, the sorry substitute for your desired Rachel. Clearly this resort has stolen a few of its stars … Sssssssp! Sssssssp! Ssssssssssp! WTF?? You wait until now to tell me it’s illegal here, too!? … Damn, that’s one big-ass mosquito! Hell is only this paradise’s temporary disguise; we have a beautiful wedding waiting in its wings.

And just as I sell myself on the promise that the worst is behind me and that tomorrow will be the tropical dream I rented, the thunder barks and the clouds burst into tears.

Welcome to Jamaica, man!

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About PD Williams

Writer - primarily humorous women's fiction. My secret agenda is to help men become in actuality the visions they think they already are. I point out their many flaws in the kindest, gentlest, most supportive way I know -- gotta protect those fragile male egos -- so we can stop wasting our energy trying to change them. After all, as women, we have more important things to do.

4 responses »

  1. Is that a Biblical reference “intertwined” in there as well? Though I at first thought you were sitting behind former denizens of the Tower of Babel, I am actually referring to the travails of Jacob. Vas gibst?

    Reply
    • LOL!! Yes, the reference to Jacob, Rachel and Leah is a Biblical one. Just as Jacob wanted and had arranged to marry Rachel, when he lifted the bridal veil, he found her older sister Leah instead. I anticipated the four star experience as TripAdvisor rated the two-stars-would-be-stretching-it resort. It’s like expecting to see Denzel naked beneath my sheets and finding my ex-husband instead. The intertwined tongues were not a reference to mixed languages, just simple face-suckers. 🙂

      Reply
  2. funny, funny, funny!!!!!!

    Reply

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