Smug and self-assured, he swaggered through the room – his massive chest alone signaled to all present – “I own this!” His steely eyes – which burned a fiery gold when illuminated by the moonlight – were fixed and focused; he missed nothing in his domain. The reputation of his brethren as vicious killers was world-renowned and any who encountered him hastened to put as much distance between themselves and his glare as they possibly could …
… unless they happened to see my snarling, snot-gargling, schutzhund-trained Rottweiler with his favorite lamb’s wool teddy bear in his mouth. Or unless they happened upon him as he snuggled with it and drowned it with kisses from his pink sandpaper tongue as big as the toy itself.
But Manny’s beloved teddy was also the favorite of our other fur baby – Freida. Manny, at 150 pounds, was twice Freida’s weight and her momma didn’t birth a dummy. She was well aware that a wrestling match wouldn’t end favorably for her. So, she did the next best thing. Freida sauntered over to Manny and gave him kisses. Then she turned around, stuck her butt beneath his nose and wiggled. Manny’s eyes glazed over and when his jaw dropped, Teddy fell to the floor. Freida whipped around, snatched it and ran.
Now Rottweilers are among the smartest of dog breeds. After one trip to the vet, he learned that when we exited the freeway at First Street, that’s where we were headed. During obedience training he saw another dog corrected for breaking a stay — once; Manfred never broke a stay. Nonetheless, each and every time Freida’s stubby little tail signaled “come hither, big boy” Manfred would freeze and lose whatever Freida wanted.
And it worked every time.
The Freida Maneuver is also very successful at the online poker tables. I don my chocolate Wonder Woman cartoon profile – with my girls bustin’ out all over — and choose a table populated by men. As they compete by sending me virtual drinks and other gifts, I proceed to take their chips.
And it works every time.