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Just Click Your Heels Together Three Times And Repeat After Me

… if I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard; because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with. Dorothy Gale, Wizard of Oz

Her hair is graying – it reminds you of a November morning’s clouds. Why doesn’t she color it? A little Botox would take care of those wretched crevices around her mouth and the corners of her eyes.  And – mother of all beastly grotesque horrors – that twenty pounds she’s put on over the years would disappear if she’d just take her fat ass to the gym. You’re a man; a man has needs. If she’d just made a little effort, you wouldn’t have had to meet them elsewhere.

Did you ever notice how that silver tinsel in her hair caught the sunlight and sparkled back at you? Do you remember how she laughed and laughed – and laughed – at your jokes? Even when you both knew you weren’t really that funny, the melody with which she rewarded you – accompanied, of course, by those little wrinkles – always tempted you to grunt and beat your chest. Despite her many other obligations each day, she managed to spend hours in the kitchen preparing a magic show for your tongue and, yes, she sat down and enjoyed it with you. As a result there’s now so much more of her – uh, twenty pounds — to love.

Poor thing. You didn’t see the mature beauty that was your garden. You didn’t enjoy the heady fragrance that surrounded you each day. Tending your own roses was so much work; why bother when younger buds were practically falling at your feet? How were you to know that they’d never bloom – that they wouldn’t give you that which you already had in abundance yet failed to appreciate? I’m so sad for you.

But I’m ecstatic that she kicked your ass to the curb and found someone who’s loving what you lost.

Neener. Neener. Neener.


About PD Williams

Writer - primarily humorous women's fiction. My secret agenda is to help men become in actuality the visions they think they already are. I point out their many flaws in the kindest, gentlest, most supportive way I know -- gotta protect those fragile male egos -- so we can stop wasting our energy trying to change them. After all, as women, we have more important things to do.

2 responses »

  1. Seen this way too many times. I wonder if the Generation X & Y will even reach the point of being with someone when they have gray hair and wrinkles. Predictions are that they are going to have as many as 4 partners in their lives. Hope those are wrong ( I have 4 kids and don’t want any of them to come home haha)! Good Job Paula!


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