I once ‘failed miserably’ as I tried to complete an exercise in which I had to list ten – just ten – things for which I was thankful. It only took a few seconds, but then I couldn’t stop! Like the Energizer Bunny, I just kept going – and going and going. Days later, I was still adding to the list. I even discovered a few oh-my-Gods that were marvels in disguise. In fact, I was so focused on the things about which I was happy, I forgot what misery had driven me to take the course in the first place.
I strongly suspect that was the speaker’s objective.
Another of the things I discovered was that in all my gratefulness, a few things got short-changed. Yes, I love that which resulted from them, but the original catalysts deserve their props as well. Following are my top five.
Thank heaven for blind dates. Had it not been for that fateful one back in 1987 or thereabouts, I’d still be one of LA’s invisible millions. Instead, I live in Simi Valley, the sometimes-safest-always-the-most-beautiful city in America, surrounded by some of the most incredible people in the world. And despite the bitterness of that fateful first dinner — and the jackass who needed my credit card to pay for it — the wonderful aftertaste lingers on my tongue and continues each day to amaze and delight me.
Oh, I am so very grateful to the banking industry! Now, now … I know you’re not very happy with the rat bastards right now. But I thank them for my exile from their ranks; I’m especially grateful for the generosity with which they compensated my departure. Now when I tell my boss to kiss-me-where-the-sun-don’t-shine, my only lament is that I’m not double-jointed enough to actually do so.
As much as I adore bacon, I am very thankful for my brief visit to Vegetarianville (that was during my super-‘fro-tie-dyed-livin’-off-the-land phase). Without it, I wouldn’t have experienced the shortest pregnancy in history. By the time I figured out that it was my second daughter – and not the absence of red meat from my diet – that was the source of my nausea, I was in labor.
Major gratitude is due my hot pink suede bell-bottoms! As I wriggled across the dance floor at my first frat party, two ginormous red and white pompoms and their matching Sly hat very smoothly cut in and cut a rug. Later that semester I married the engineer under that disguise – the love of my life. I’m chuckling now as I realize my very chic don’t-open-the-front-door-unless-perfectly-coordinated-and-properly-accessorized older daughter is learning that she is the product of that fashion catastrophe.
Finally, I am eternally thankful to Walgreen’s. Had they been open when my mom decided she didn’t have a headache after all on that snowy night half a century ago, I might not be here thanking anybody for anything. Thanks, Mom, for saying yes. Thanks, Dad, for being unprepared. And thanks so much, Walgreen’s, for being closed.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my friends.
Over Easy 